A letter to the mosquito that kept me up all night

Dear shitface,

I'm not sure whether I should thank you or curse you for the fact that I got about 3.5 hours of sleep last night. On one hand, I did get up way earlier than normal and got some things accomplished ...on the other hand, I'm so tired I feel like a beached walrus at low tide today. I can't really move.

You certainly thought you were clever as you buzzed around my ear as I tried to sleep - like a lullaby at Guantanamo.  You were probably laughing at me as I would fling on the lights and jump out of bed to try and kill you, oh but you were all the sudden no where to be found! We played that game...what was it? 5 times between the hours of midnight and 5am? Something like that.
Yeah..there was that one time - about 3:25am, you did a buzz by to wake me up and then you landed on the frame of the painting above my bed and in my sleepy stupor all I could think to do is grab a bottle of facial mist that was by the bed and spray you with it - I got you good didn't I? But apparently you are water proof, you and all your outdoor dwelling nuisance friends. 

All through the night, there I was bundled up in my sheets trying to not expose any unnecessary skin since you already blood fed on the knuckle of my pointer finger (which has blown up to the size of a bratwurst this morning), my elbow, and my left wrist.  At least you didn't get me in the eyelid like your cousin in Senegal that one time - that was bad. Left me looking like Sloth from the Goonies. Bastard.

You think you are so hot like some powerful malaria parasite carrying female anopheles - What you don't know is that I know your species - you're most likely a sad weak little culex, which can't even transmit plasmodium falciparum - loser.  This is Nairobi, you don't carry anything potent in your stinger...maybe west nile but unlikely.  You really have no power over me.

So, enjoy your day, locked in my bedroom, with no human blood cells to suck on -I'll see you later tonight for round two - but this time, you better be damn scared because before the lights go out, you will be mosquito paste squished on my wall, with remnants of your sorry self also on the bottom of my shoe.


xoxo
Lenna
P.S. Oh and um, here's a hint of what we did to your friends in Rwanda when they were causing similar problems. Be afraid.