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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Long Distance LOVE - Keep it together People!

Long distance communications has come a looong way in a short time - which has proven priceless for thousands (millions) of couples on this planet to stay close while living far apart. We have cheaper international call rates, smart phone messenger services that work across the world, skype chat, skype call, skype video call, email, snail mail and even you tube for those performers out there.  Even with allllll those communication options that help keep you together, there will always be a huge gap that can stress a relationship - there is still no way to feel a hug or a kiss or a handhold from that special someone. You really have to do all you can to keep your relationship alive and developing without being able to be physically there.
Sergio lives thousands of miles away from me - and it can be a real roller coaster of emotions - sometimes you are fine, sometimes you can fill your schedule with so much stuff that you don't have to dwell on it, but sometimes, most of the time, you just wish that person was there - right up in your face. Sergio is my best friend and now that he's away - I would trade a day of taco bell feasting or a shopping spree at Marshalls just to hold his hand or make him coffee or sit next to him in the car.

So, since I know quite a few people that are in the same boat as me - I thought I would prepare a little list of ways that we try to stay close and connected even though we live far apart. And this isn't the first time for us - we've done this international long distance thing before we were married and made it work. There is lots of hope as long as both people are FULLY committed to each other as their one and only. (no room for wondering eyes!)

1) Daily communication. Even when you are busy and feel like you have nothing to say. Still touch base.
2) Send stuff to each other. These days there are countless ways to do that - For Valentine's Day I sent Sergio breakfast from IHOP using Dr. Delivery. Almost every major city has this - Even Nairobi has Mama Meals on Wheels! Amazon ships to many places. It doesn't have to be something big - it could be something silly like a hot wheels of his favorite car or a gallon of Worcestershire sauce - doesn't really matter what it is - it's just fun to receive stuff and it lets you know that you are important.
3) Skype video - it's nice to have a real time visual of your main squeeze.
4) Try and do some routine things together. Like make a grocery list or something that is sort of normal and domestic and makes you feel like your households are connected (since you have 2). Wow, that was a very boring recommendation..make a grocery list??? But you get the idea right? I'm sure you can think of something better.  Okay, how bout a master to-do list? eh. getting there.
5) Use smart phone messaging to send daily photos of things you are doing or seeing. Sergio and I do a sort of photo journal thing where we send weird or funny photos of stuff as we experience it so you can imagine the person in whatever element they are in. Bathroom photos are not acceptable.
6) Have an end in sight. You must know when the next time you will see each other will be. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel or you will feel hopeless and discouraged. Plan your next visit during your current visit so it's on the calendar.
7) When you talk, try not to brag about how much fun you are having or how awesome the party you went to on Saturday was.  This just leads to insecurities and fighting..which leads to my next point....
8) Try to not fight! Fights are bound to happen in every relationship but fights that happen when you are living away from each other can be even more discouraging and frustrating -  so bite your tongue more than you normally would and don't make an issue out of small things - if you know you are in a bad mood, do not have a phone call at that time. It's hard enough as it is without grumplestiltskin taking the mic.
Love my byu

Love is worth fighting for but you have to work at it every day (long distance or not!) and be willing to make compromises that will put you together in the end.
Hope this helps all you long distancers out there.

Please leave comments with any additional ideas! 


  1. So where is he now? When will you see him again? How are you doing? And is there anything we can do long-distance to let you know we love you?? You don't want to see my grocery list, but we're open to all ideas! ;) We love you!!

    1. awww Mindi - you are the sweetest! Sergio is back in DC now. I'm doing great! Staying busy and we are just fine. You're right, your grocery bill would probably scare me away from EVER having kids! haha - I'm guessing there is no way to not spend a cool Franklin with each trip! I hope you guys are doing well! Miss you!

  2. you are the sweetest! Just to empathize with and show you how much I miss you (in terms of a 'favorite food' scale :)): I'll give up bfast at IHOP, lunch at Chipotle & dinner at Lauriol just to hold your hand..

  3. byu - this is serious love. I am speechless - I mean even with my sweaty palms??? My question is...if you give up chipo and lauriol plaza does that mean I have to too??? love you ;-)


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